I'm really into asian looking animals
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My vagina just clenched in fear
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I think I just sharted jello shots
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize