oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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