This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
