he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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