I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
