Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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