we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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