My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
