So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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