I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
