After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
