I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
