my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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