Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I have fence marks all over my body
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
