Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
