so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He passed out mid-signature
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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