at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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