Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
They are going to name an STD after you.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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