This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
