Banned from zoo.
Again?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
