Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Randomize
