xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
