do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
