Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
