Screwed.edu
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
