I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
