well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
