The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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