no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize