Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
