I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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