she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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