OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
