So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
