just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i think my cat just said my name.
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