Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize