My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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