i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
