I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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