I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
