I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
