I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
