someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
