Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Randomize