He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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