i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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