I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
