Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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