My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
