I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
