When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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