Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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