I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize