This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Boobs are out for the taking
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
