Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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