Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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