I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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