So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
