Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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