Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
