So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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