Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry miraclefish hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(248): View more from Michigan

They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.

Fav 9 821 2597
share tweet
(978): View more from Massachusetts

every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.

Fav 60 3031 1353
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(816): View more from Missouri

I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.

Fav 16 4416 978
share tweet
(907): View more from Alaska

the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops

Fav 45 10971 1381
share tweet
(847): View more from Illinois

then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order

Fav 11 1111 5723
share tweet
(715): View more from Wisconsin

Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.

Fav 15 3549 1250
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.

Fav 3 3066 1099
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(518): View more from New York

Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.

Fav 1 849 464
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(860): View more from Connecticut

whose shirt was i wearing?

(203): View more from Connecticut

his little sister's

(860): View more from Connecticut

what was she wearing

(203): View more from Connecticut

a feather boa and 6 inch heels

Fav 0 81 7
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT