yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Four minutes until I can fart!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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