We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
