it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
