i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
