Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
