you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
