SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
