At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize