we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize