Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
