I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
