It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
it was like his penis was on wheels.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
