Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
