Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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