she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
