It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
