She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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