so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
