just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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