I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i came on her dog
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
