That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize