Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
dude. I can hear the air.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
