The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
