Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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