Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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