when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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