okay pat passed out under dana's car
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
True strength comes from lack of pants
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize