laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize