Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Is it because I queefed?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
