He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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