Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
