Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
