I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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