Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
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