just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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