How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize