I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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