just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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