What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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