I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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