Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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