Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
