My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
