life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
