I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize